Day 10: Painful Post

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Day 10

I’m placing this in the top two hardest posts I've ever written. Never mind…this is the hardest one ever. I’ve only had six-ish hours to process the news we received this afternoon. Typically when I get hard news I process if for several days or weeks with God and by then I have a much better planned-out post to publish. 

I don’t have that luxury tonight. I knew this 31 day writing thing was an act of obedience and it has already been a blessing, but that means I write even when it’s hard.

I prayed before writing this tonight that it will help spread the word and save lives. 

I love this sweet family so much it hurts. Please pray continually.

My precious sister, Becky, took in her 5 year old son last week for a routine appointment at Best Start Pediatric Clinic. Dr. Averitt could not find a pulse in his legs and immediately scheduled his appointment he had today with Arkansas Children’s Hospital branch in the nearby city of Lowell.

Those of you who have followed our story for several years now know that the first time Becky was pregnant, and I was pregnant with my second child, my husband passed away in a car accident. Becky and her husband Travis were so crucial to my process of healing in the tragedy. The second time Becky was pregnant her husband had heart issues and underwent surgery. She is currently pregnant for the third time, due in December, and her son is facing surgery around that time for a narrowed aorta, “coarctation of the aorta." From my limited understanding, it is not standard procedure for young children to have their blood pressure checked, but this simple act saves lives.

Northwest Arkansas is a small world, as most close-knit communities are. Almost immediately we heard from our friend of a local family that just went through the exact same condition in her son. She shares their family’s story on her blog as well.  (Note: Remember a couple of days ago I mentioned being wise about what you read. If reading details about their situation would cause extra anxiety then maybe save reading their story for a later time. I include it in this post so more people can become aware of the necessity of blood pressure checks in children and to share this wonderful, local, success story of their sweet son.)

Those are the facts.

What I am feeling, however, has swung the pendulum from devastation to peace and everywhere in between. I know from experience you just have to take it minute to minute for a while, and then God’s peace prevails and you will be able to take it hour by hour. But only one day at a time for sure.

This is where we put what we have learned to work for us. We are surrounded by a community of prayer warriors who've battled shoulder to shoulder with us. We will rely on God for strength and peace that surpasses all understanding that comes from continual prayers.

We have learned over the years that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings, God created us to have feelings. I have identified with David in Psalms over and over again, but it's good to be reminded of the Truth and God's promises to provide so we do not let those hard feelings trap us into a pit. God can definitely handle all of our feelings no matter how ugly.  PTSD is a real condition and it helps tremendously to have coping strategies in place BEFORE a trial hits. I know that for me I tend to get mad at God and question why He created a world like this. Some days I can be at peace with the answer that “his ways are not our ways” and then other times I don’t find peace at all with that but I stumble along until someone can help remind me how He has ALWAYS provided in the past.

I know I am making imperfect progress because I can be mad about that answer-that's-not-really-an-answer and still remember His promises are true. A few years ago, I could not do that. I couldn’t remember or even tell you what those promises were. 

Since this summer I have been relying and reciting His promises so often that they come to mind much more quickly than ever before. I’ve told you in this 31 day series that I do not believe in coincidences anymore and I have tears streaming as I just realized what I had originally planned on posting today is just below this paragraph. I had opened this saved document from yesterday and started typing above the words already there, not even reading what it was I had written yesterday, just noticing it being bumped down the page as I typed…until I finished typing the last paragraph above. Y’all. Read those verses below with new, fresh eyes. I can barely stand it. Do you see how He loves us, so? Becky, of all the verses in the whole bible the one from Romans, penned thousands of years ago, was typed out by God for you yesterday on this page because God knew then what would happen today. And even though I still find it so freaking frustrating that He knew this pain was coming, He is showing His love and compassion for us, For Such a Time as This.

 “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 msg

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

God is alive and real today. What does that mean for you and your life? 

We love you, too, God.

Amen.

Rest

Day 9

Click here to see all the posts in this 31 day series! Thank you! 

 I told God this past Sunday as I was looking at my calendar for the week that I would “rest” on Thursday. I’m pretty sure He laughed a bit when I said that.

By Tuesday my body and soul were asking for rest. “Not until Thursday, there’s too much to do,” I’d tell myself although I could feel God telling me rest needs to happen every single day. He is so compassionate that He knew we could not handle more than 24 hours in a day, and a chunk of those He intended for sleeping! I do not have much trouble with the sleeping part; it’s the resting during the day I have to be intentional in doing.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-20 esv

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-20 msg

“I will satisfy the weary,
    and all who are faint I will replenish.” Jeremiah 31:25

Need more convincing? Click here for 43 Verses on Rest

 If you are prone to anxiety or have symptoms of post-traumatic stress, I believe it’s vital to understand what resting in God looks like and how "rest" looks for you. Your resting in God may very well look very different than another person's rest in Him. God chose the word "rest" for me this year and, wow, is it apparent to me why that word was chosen for this year. Bonnie Gray’s book, Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest, has been an amazing resource for me. I encourage you to check it out if you, like myself, need permission to rest. We cannot be effective for God if we are not serving from a place of rest.

Are you weary? Are you determining your worth based on how much you cram into a day? Ask yourself what is God’s job and are you taking on more than He is asking? How can you obey God and make a move toward rest? 

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Hitting the Snooze

Day 8

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I need to vent a little…Do you mind if I use this space today to admit how tired I am right now? This happens every time I don’t obey and follow God, I run ahead and out of breath shout, “I beat you!” only to realize the only thing I’ve gained by running at too fast a pace are shin splints and a sink full of dishes.

He has been telling me to get up earlier in the mornings. When He “tells” me something, it’s not audible, it’s more of a whispering into my spirit, but He can sure get His point across loudly in a whisper. 

So I have been disobeying. If you know me at all, you know I am NOT a morning person. The snooze button on my alarm and I are best buddies. Since I’ve been experiencing Him in such vivid ways through prayer I knew I needed to recruit some accountability partners to help me pray about getting up early. My 7 year old daughter Caroline was one of them. She is the queen of accountability. J So we prayed before bed about my sin and that I would obey and wake earlier. I told her I had sinned that morning by not obeying and it made my whole day much more hectic than necessary.  I tried to squish in my chores and appointments instead of enjoying them at God’s pace He was setting for me. And I most definitely missed out on some “divine appointments” He had scheduled for me because I was so crazy trying to get in what I had planned.

 Well, you know the saying “Be careful what you wish for?” The night we prayed God had me out of bed at 2:00am wide awake and raring to go. Oh my. I kept hearing that phrase in my head, “Go where wisdom gathers, not where wisdom scatters” from Lysa TerKeurst’s newest book, “TheBest Yes.” So I realized God wanted me to write my post about that phrase yesterday. Yes, sir. At 2:00am. I did it, posted it, went back to bed and slept.

First thing Caroline asked when she woke up was if God helped me get up early. Why, yes He did, sweet daughter. She laughed so hard when I told her what God did, and I have a feeling God was laughing with her. He just loves to make a point.

I plan on waking up at a respectable, early-for-me, hour tomorrow and I know He will bless my effort. And since I’m now telling you all about this, I’ll have a LOT more accountability partners! Yikes! :)

“The decisions you make determine the schedule you keep. The schedule you keep determines the life you live. And how you live your life determines how you spend your soul.”

 (The Best Yes by Lisa TerKerurst, pg 28.)

How is your schedule feeling to you? Is there room for divine appointments? What tiny "move" can you make in your schedule to open up time for some "soul space?"

 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

Tools for Anxiety

Day 7

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“Go where wisdom gathers, not where wisdom scatters.”

A month ago several of us were able to gather and see Lysa TerKeurst speak at a local church. Her advice about wisdom has stuck with me and not just because of her witty rhyming usage. 

 

Here’s one I didn’t hear her say, but works as well when you are having a medical crisis: “Use your noodle, don’t google!” I guess I should add, unless you are googling bible verses or encouraging Christian resources. 

We live in a unique time in history where if we allow it, we can have information overload to the extreme. It is more important than ever to be discerning where our keyboards take us.  Below are some websites I subscribe to and being on their email lists makes my inbox become a place of encouragement throughout the week. 

www.incourage.me (founded by NWA’s very own author Holley Gerth)

www.holleygerth.com

www.proverbs31.org (Lysa TerKeurst’s Ministry)

www.ifequip.com (Sign up RIGHT NOW to receive these daily emails with bible verses surrounded by wise women discussing their life applications)

My middle of the night “go to” passages when anxiety strikes is Job and Psalms. I say a prayer, flip them open and start reading. 

“Your love, God, is my song, and I’ll sing it!
    I’m forever telling everyone how faithful you are.
I’ll never quit telling the story of your love—
    how you built the cosmos
    and guaranteed everything in it.
Your love has always been our lives’ foundation,
    your fidelity has been the roof over our world.
You once said, “I joined forces with my chosen leader,
    I pledged my word to my servant, David, saying,
‘Everyone descending from you is guaranteed life;
    I’ll make your rule as solid and lasting as rock.’”

 God! Let the cosmos praise your wonderful ways,
    the choir of holy angels sing anthems to your faithful ways!
Search high and low, scan skies and land,
    you’ll find nothing and no one quite like God.
The holy angels are in awe before him;
    he looms immense and august over everyone around him.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies, who is like you,
    powerful and faithful from every angle?”

Psalm 89:1-8

Where do you go when you need answers? When fear wakes you in the middle of the night do you go where wisdom gathers or where wisdom scatters?

  

Let's encourage each other to be wise, it's not always our first thought when we are hit with a trial in life. Thanks to so many of you who have been wisdom gathered for me.

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies." Philippians 4:8-9 msg