Thursday, October 17, 2013

It's a....

Profile of Baby Boy King
BOY! We found out several weeks ago...the perks of being "elderly" as a pregnant woman is lots of ultrasounds :) It was very obvious and 100% certain that he is a boy! No, we don't have a name yet, but we are taking suggestions! We tried finding names on the UA Senior Walk on the way to the ugly loss to South Carolina Saturday, but we found the majority are Williams and Johns...and a Buford. William and John are already taken in our family, so I guess for now it's Buford. Or Thomas 2. (Thomas is adamant we name his little brother "Thomas.")
Pumpkin Patch fun--notice Caroline's idea to make a heart over her baby brother. :)
Precious cousins!
 We are about to go to our Level II Ultrasound in about an hour from now. We have no reason to think there will be any problems, but I don't think anyone goes into an ultrasound expecting to hear about problems. God provided a great bible study for us to be working on during this "out of our control" time of our lives and I was reminded in it this morning that He will provide. Period. No matter what the outcome of today...or what tomorrow holds. He will provide.
Wouldn't you think I'd know that already? After all we've been through these past five years? A worst fear realized, and yet, He provided. And continues to do so.
My precious friend Kimberly and I have been known to talk quite a bit about how there isn't a "quota" on suffering this side of heaven. We've had awful, terrible things happen to us, and we know we aren't immune from other hard situations in the future. Anyone that knows me can vouch that I'm mostly a glass half-full person, so it even surprised me when I read in last week's bible study (Psalms of Ascent) something I should have already been focused on. I knew it was worded in the way it was, just for me: God's mercy knows no quota.
That's the flip side! And what a wonderful side it is!  He won't suddenly think I've gotten enough grace, it's endless! Thank the Lord! So whatever comes our way in the future will be covered with His hands. He will heal us again, He will provide again. and again.

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; 
 his mercies never come to an end;   
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

Update! The ultrasound went fabulous. God provided our sonographer to be a gentle, godly man who Tyler and I have known his family for years. Such a blessing. We could see our little guy squirming all over the place. (It was also the second time someone told us we will have a busy boy on our hands!) I didn't want to freak anyone out by crying through the whole thing, but that's what I felt like doing. Each time he'd move to another organ to check out, I would be so tense, barely breathing...thinking about a friend's baby I personally knew who had problems with whatever organ we were looking at and imagining how the parents must have feared hearing about the problem. He would tell us it looked good and instead of releasing the tears, I'd gear up for the next area we were looking at and it would start over the end I was exhausted. So thrilled, but wanting to cry, sleep and praise God. I did all three eventually, but not until after Tyler left town with work and I tended to our sweet 4 year old with croup and a fever. Life keeps going, no matter what else is going on in the world...
Sweet kiddos pretending to sleep while C reads to T.
It wasn't until later that I reflected on the reality of those precious parents, my friends, enduring their tough ultrasounds or nightmarish doctor's visits, but instead of picturing them there, I purposely pictured them in their day to day lives as I know them now. Yes, they still have fear and grief to deal with daily, but they are another testament to God's faithfulness. These parents are so much fun, full of joy from the Lord and some of my loudest encouragers! I am blessed by them. 
I have been told from more than a handful of people that they wouldn't have survived what I have been through (losing my husband while pregnant.) It's simply not true, I want everyone to know we can survive may hurt, a lot, but God's promises are true. We don't just survive, we will thrive! God turns our mourning into dancing in order to encourage others to stay on the path! Y'all we are just a blip on the timeline of humanity. We can do this. It takes God's family and His Word to get us there, but we can. No matter the arrows thrown our way, there is beauty to withhold and joy to be reclaimed.
His big brown eyes melt me. (He sure loves his chocolate milk by the way!)
 I am relishing my children. Caroline and Thomas are such joys in our lives that words really do fail me. It annoys me that I can't seem to capture what I want to about how much I love them and what gifts they are to us. I've noticed for at least for a few months now, every day, I can look at them as they are talking and take myself out of the moment and see them as if I was watching them on video in 15 years, and how I would long to have that exact moment back to re-live again because of how precious they sound and look and act. It's almost too much. So instead I zap myself back in the moment and really take it in. I look them in the eyes as they talk to me, making a memory imprint of how they sound, smell, feel, and act. The moments are all fleeting, the days run into weeks that run into months, before we even have time to turn around it seems. So I'm doing the best I can to savor. To enjoy. To love them.
And then our family will grow to five. More to love, more to do, more to embrace. Thank you God for the blessings of today and tomorrow. Thank you for the promise of a future all together forever.