Day 10: Painful Post

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Day 10

I’m placing this in the top two hardest posts I've ever written. Never mind…this is the hardest one ever. I’ve only had six-ish hours to process the news we received this afternoon. Typically when I get hard news I process if for several days or weeks with God and by then I have a much better planned-out post to publish. 

I don’t have that luxury tonight. I knew this 31 day writing thing was an act of obedience and it has already been a blessing, but that means I write even when it’s hard.

I prayed before writing this tonight that it will help spread the word and save lives. 

I love this sweet family so much it hurts. Please pray continually.

My precious sister, Becky, took in her 5 year old son last week for a routine appointment at Best Start Pediatric Clinic. Dr. Averitt could not find a pulse in his legs and immediately scheduled his appointment he had today with Arkansas Children’s Hospital branch in the nearby city of Lowell.

Those of you who have followed our story for several years now know that the first time Becky was pregnant, and I was pregnant with my second child, my husband passed away in a car accident. Becky and her husband Travis were so crucial to my process of healing in the tragedy. The second time Becky was pregnant her husband had heart issues and underwent surgery. She is currently pregnant for the third time, due in December, and her son is facing surgery around that time for a narrowed aorta, “coarctation of the aorta." From my limited understanding, it is not standard procedure for young children to have their blood pressure checked, but this simple act saves lives.

Northwest Arkansas is a small world, as most close-knit communities are. Almost immediately we heard from our friend of a local family that just went through the exact same condition in her son. She shares their family’s story on her blog as well.  (Note: Remember a couple of days ago I mentioned being wise about what you read. If reading details about their situation would cause extra anxiety then maybe save reading their story for a later time. I include it in this post so more people can become aware of the necessity of blood pressure checks in children and to share this wonderful, local, success story of their sweet son.)

Those are the facts.

What I am feeling, however, has swung the pendulum from devastation to peace and everywhere in between. I know from experience you just have to take it minute to minute for a while, and then God’s peace prevails and you will be able to take it hour by hour. But only one day at a time for sure.

This is where we put what we have learned to work for us. We are surrounded by a community of prayer warriors who've battled shoulder to shoulder with us. We will rely on God for strength and peace that surpasses all understanding that comes from continual prayers.

We have learned over the years that it's okay to have all kinds of feelings, God created us to have feelings. I have identified with David in Psalms over and over again, but it's good to be reminded of the Truth and God's promises to provide so we do not let those hard feelings trap us into a pit. God can definitely handle all of our feelings no matter how ugly.  PTSD is a real condition and it helps tremendously to have coping strategies in place BEFORE a trial hits. I know that for me I tend to get mad at God and question why He created a world like this. Some days I can be at peace with the answer that “his ways are not our ways” and then other times I don’t find peace at all with that but I stumble along until someone can help remind me how He has ALWAYS provided in the past.

I know I am making imperfect progress because I can be mad about that answer-that's-not-really-an-answer and still remember His promises are true. A few years ago, I could not do that. I couldn’t remember or even tell you what those promises were. 

Since this summer I have been relying and reciting His promises so often that they come to mind much more quickly than ever before. I’ve told you in this 31 day series that I do not believe in coincidences anymore and I have tears streaming as I just realized what I had originally planned on posting today is just below this paragraph. I had opened this saved document from yesterday and started typing above the words already there, not even reading what it was I had written yesterday, just noticing it being bumped down the page as I typed…until I finished typing the last paragraph above. Y’all. Read those verses below with new, fresh eyes. I can barely stand it. Do you see how He loves us, so? Becky, of all the verses in the whole bible the one from Romans, penned thousands of years ago, was typed out by God for you yesterday on this page because God knew then what would happen today. And even though I still find it so freaking frustrating that He knew this pain was coming, He is showing His love and compassion for us, For Such a Time as This.

 “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 msg

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

God is alive and real today. What does that mean for you and your life? 

We love you, too, God.

Amen.