Where does fear lead you?
I think back six or so years ago and I wonder if the person
I was then would read the blog I have today. It’s a weird thought, but
interesting. I have changed so much from that person I used to be. I think I
would read it but when the post got a bit wordy about God I would skim through
it and not believe it for myself.
What a difference a few years makes.
When Thomas died where did the fear lead me?
I hadn’t thought much about that question until I read some
of the comments under this morning’s www.ifequip.com.
The passage is from Genesis 19 after God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah and Lot took
his daughters from where they lived into a cave in the hills because of his
fear. There some terrible decisions were made that affected generations.
What I am learning is that decisions we make out of a place of
high anxiety or fear need to be monitored. I am praising God today that I had an army of wise people around me in my time of severe crushing. When I
turned to ask “why” or had to make choices for my kids and myself in that place of
depression there were many sound minds grounded in God’s truth ready to listen
and guide me if need be. My flesh really wanted to just escape from the place
of pain…to retreat or self-medicate or whatever that might be. In God’s mercy,
He even used my pregnancy to help me make healthy choices.
I believe if I had chosen to follow God during that awful
time He would have still blessed the decision and provided what I needed to
make it through, but by God’s grace, I had chosen to follow him just a short
few years before the accident at age 19. The decision was made at a time when I
did not have crushing persecution or fiery trial in my life. I just chose Him
and went to church. That’s it. He definitely guided me through those early
years as a Christian, but it wasn’t until the time of intense pain did I see the
bounty of fruit from that “simple” decision.
In my fear I believe I would have tried to retreat from the
world. Isolate myself as Lot did in his cave in order to feel in control of my
situation. Very bad decisions tend to be made in a place of fear unless there
is aid of outside godly counsel.
Go where “wisdom gathers, not where wisdom scatters.” The
outcome of the decisions made will be vastly different depending on where you
are. Praise be to God that instead of retreating from Him, I ran full force to
Him. I had heard enough sermons to know He is our refuge; He is not the author
of pain, but deliverance. He will work everything for our good, but sometimes
we need some wise people to point us in the direction of Him. The hard part to understand is that God gifted us with free will instead of forcing us to love and choose him. I had the wise counsel in place, but it was still up to me to decide to take it or not.
Thank you all for
intentionally directing me to Him. Six years later I am still seeing the fruit
from those decisions made; it could have turned out much differently.
Where might fear be leading you?
“I
will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my
fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2
my God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91:2
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