The sort of "short" version:
Travis, Becky and I went to have the ultrasound examination yesterday late afternoon. The doctors yesterday afternoon performed another ultrasound and they could hardly believe that the tear that the ultrasound pictures from Saturday showed could not be found!! The only explanation that makes any sense to me is that all of the prayers you all sent up on our behalf convinced God to heal my placenta tear. I cried when they said they could find any problem whatsoever and they thought I was upset so I had to tell them that I was happy and that was why I was crying. The baby was jumping around the whole time. Becky, Travis and I watched as baby opened his/her mouth and swallowed several times. Such a miracle.
Longer version: (ATTENTION: anyone who does not want to read details that might border on "Too much information" can skip this paragraph!)
Friday night I had light bleeding and I decided to just take it easy. Saturday morning I got up to get Caroline breakfast and shortly thereafter it was a lot of bleeding. I knew I needed to see a doctor so we loaded up for the ER. (Thanks again to Tara for taking care of Caroline ALL day again!) Travis, Becky and I got into a room pretty quickly and all I could keep thinking was, "Please Jesus save our baby, Please Jesus save our baby" over and over again.
I went into the ultrasound room alone and was afraid to look at the screen-the ultrasound lady kept sighing so I finally had to look for myself. Our little baby was wiggling all over the place and I could see the heart beating!! I still knew there was a reason for the bleeding, but I can't describe the relief of seeing our baby moving. It makes me cry all over again thinking about it.
I was anxious to hear what the doctor saw in the pictures, so three hours later (that's another story, for another time...) they decided it was a placenta tear and possibly a beginning of a miscarriage.
By this point we had been there over five hours and just I wanted to go home and just lay down. I really felt if I could just stay lying down then I would be okay. They told me to have another ultrasound on Monday at the clinic.
I could not get in until the late afternoon, but I cannot put into words how YOUR prayers were felt by me. All day Sunday and Monday I felt such a calm, peaceful feeling that is so hard to describe. Why else would I be calm knowing I am about to find out the fate of our precious baby-Obviously, it was from the prayers. We went into the clinic around 3 pm(and you probably read the short version above.) The moment the ultrasound came on I could see our little baby moving all over the place. Arms up around the baby's face then punching out and legs that look like they were running! Once again I was so relieved and thrilled, but in the back of my mind I knew we were needing to look at my placenta.
The ultrasound technician said she was going to look over the pictures with the radiologist. A few minutes later the radiologist came in and said she wanted to see the "live" pictures. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I think we were all holding our breath for the few minutes it took for them to look at it all again. She then basically threw up her hands and said, "If I had not seen your pictures from Saturday then I would not have known you had anything wrong." !!! That's when I cried.
I have heard that placentas can heal from tears like mine, but typically it takes a week or more and they do multiple ultrasounds to track its progress. I know without a doubt your (and my prayers and pleas) with the power of our almighty God healed me quickly. I am so thankful to God, but I feel I don't have the words to tell Him. I want to cry a flood of relief, but I don't want to stress my body out anymore than it already has been. I imagine (and I can tell) that the flood of tears will come, but for now I am still on bedrest until I am completely not having any signs from the bleeding that happened Saturday. So I am trying to stay calm and rest. I am so overwhelmed (once again!) by the outpouring of love and prayers from you all. I want you to know how I thank God for each and everyone of you (some of you who do not know me except through this blog!)
I think that God used this to show me that He is here for me, cares for us all, and listens to our prayers. I can honestly say that I have not doubted his presence in our life during the last two months, but I have been more angry over the last couple weeks and I have been wondering if He made a "mistake" taking Thomas, and other things like that. I think He felt a lot of our frustration with the situation and He wanted to make it abundantly clear to us (his children) that he loves us and wants the best for us.
I can also say that I did (with all of the prayers being sent up on Saturday night) finally feel such a peace that I could tell Him that whatever His will was for our baby-I could live with it. I just felt I could see that He wants to prosper us and not to harm us and that He knows what the ultimate plan is for us-and that it may not be what we had in mind. (I still begged that my plan and His were aligned for this baby!) Hallelujah, it was!
After rambling through this story, (I hope someone is still here with me reading this!) I want to say that I am still human, so I still have some fear for the upcoming six months of carrying this sweet baby, but with God's strength and your prayers I think we will have a wonderful, glorious day in mid-August when we get to see this beautiful baby's face and praise God all over again.