Thursday, February 20, 2014

38 Week Update: A Struggle

This has been a very challenging post to compose. I have to admit I've been struggling lately. A precious friend went in for her 38 week appointment to find that her baby had gone on to heaven due to the umbilical cord around her neck. You can read her blog here as she journeys through this unimaginable grief. Not only is she grieving the loss of her daughter, she will have surgery next week to remove her thyroid because of cancer that she discovered early in her pregnancy.
It's just too much.

It seems every single day there are more stories of suffering families and heartache that are brought to our attention. Social media can be a blessing, but it can also be overwhelming. It allows countless messages of encouragement to be sent our way when we need them most. On the other hand we learn about many stories of those we wouldn't necessarily know and their horrible circumstances which is difficult to separate from once I see their grief, but grateful to pray for them. It just makes it hard for me to separate from others grief and then post a "Woo hoo, look at our great news" update when it's sandwiched between so much loss for others.

I've been talking with God about it for a couple of weeks now after getting my friend's news. I'm still working on the answer to my issue, but what I'm sensing after getting to talk to my grieving friend face to face and after much prayer is that we MUST celebrate the good times. We must sensitively share the blessings in order to encourage others, give thanks to God since every good thing comes from Him, and for our own record of "good times" so when the winds of grief blow back in our direction, again, we can remember that it's not always dark. So we can remember time marches on and brings joy once again if we allow God to heal those hurt places. I must remember.

So I update our blog with our good news we have to share right now. All the while not taking it for granted and praying for those that are in a place of fiery trials. We all have our times...

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die...
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Ecc 3:1,4

I LOVE love LOVE when "strangers" approach me and tell me they have prayed for me. Right now when it happens I point to my very blossomed :) stomach and say "Look at what your prayers accomplished! New life! New joys that I didn't know I would experience again! Thank you for being a part of this!"
My last post said I gained 12 pounds...ha! I'm up to around 25 now, so I should have known not to brag :) Our doctor said sweet baby boy was breech at our 36 week apt. We were to try a "version" the following week, but after much prayer (and serious contemplation of doing handstands in a pool) we were shocked and delighted to see on our next week's ultrasound his head down and ready to go! Huge relief and PRAISE! We are now trying to be patient and wait on our little guy's arrival. I'm cherishing feeling his movements, being taken care of so well by Tyler, and our kids talking to my tummy to their baby "brudder fwiend" as Thomas calls him. We have two weeks until the official due date. We like the idea of a March baby, but my sore hips and back are voting for February. We finally chose a name after much deliberation, but we've decided to keep it a surprise for now. There's time for monogrammed burp cloths later, right??

Life after loss is so much more intense, sweeter or more sour depending on the situation. It's hard to take it in. I'll never understand this side of heaven why God allows awful things to happen to all of us, the people He loves so much. However, I do understand He is faithful in restoring joy. He promises it. And our perceptions of reality are so finite that it must be freaking mind blowing in heaven! He continuously whispers to us as we toil on earth,  "Just you wait, you'll see one day. It's all worth it..." He reminds us to endure this race by the blessings we receive while we are here. I'm counting each one of them today. I pray you are, too.