Thank you for all of your prayers! I have not had another migraine (knock on wood) and we have gained possibly 3 new bible study members! Our new study looks awesome, Lies Women Believe: And the Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss. (Thanks, Tara for the suggestion and for the pjs above!)
I won't write about how the kids' sleeping is going because any of you who blog and have children know about the curse that happens when you write about it...I'll leave it at that! :-)
As I am about to pack our whole house (or so it seems) to stay with my BFF for the last 23 years, Robyn, to ride out this next ice storm, my nerves are all on edge. I HATE ice.
My reflection on the last year continues as my birthday just passed and Caroline's 3rd is right around the corner. I vividly remember a day in July when I was huge pregnant and putting away dishes from the dishwasher when my hand froze mid-air while putting a glass in the cabinet, when I realized that it was the first time I had the energy to put away dishes by myself. I broke down and cried.
It is such a strange thing to try to explain that it actually hurts me to realize I am getting more used to this new normal. I feel like I don't want to get used to it-what does that mean if I am? Am I forgetting how awful our situation is? Am I getting more okay with the acceptance of our situation? That he is not coming back? I almost want to stay miserable--this is really hard to explain...So anyway, it is obvious to me how far we have come now that I am able to take care of more responsibilites. Don't get me wrong-I still have to have tons of help (for example: my mom still takes care of my sweet kiddos while I teach my college class and does most of our laundry, Matt M. is also my "go to" baby sitter at church, Nellie and Jed are my valet and baby holder at church, Meagan and Chris C. have a standing "dinner date" with us once a week to let me work on my class stuff, Reba brings us meals all the time and, of course, Becky is always ready to let me pour my heart out or help in anyway she can and on and on.) I just feel like I am getting more used to toting around both kiddos to events and juggling feedings, cleanings, diapers, bills, baths by myself. I figure I will have time to myself when they go to college in 20 years. :-)
Sadly, our unique group of young widows with young children grew last week. The Elkins Superintendent passed away unexpectantly leaving his wife and 9-year old daughter. We have a super close connection through Tennille, but I have not met this family yet.
My whole body aches when I think about what they are going through right now and what is to come in the coming months. I really feel ill when I think about it. I look forward to meeting her and helping in any way I can.
We started a three Sunday grief class at church this week. I don't want to be a downer to all of you, but I think it important for me to share what our sweet elder told us. He reminded us that every single person will go through grief at some point in their lives. For some people it is sooner in their lives than others, but it will happen. It is how our world works and it started in Genesis 2. I guess what I want others to take away from this is if you have not experienced grief yet, you will. So you might as well prepare as much as you can before hand by belonging to a church who can help you through it (I don't know what I would have done without mine) and CHERISHING EVERY MOMENT in life.
I was driving Caroline to dance and she was singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to her brother in the carseat next to her. I tried to soak everything about the moment into my memory and thank God for the blessing of her sweet spirit. She constantly says, "I love my brudder" and "I love you, ma-ma!" She still says, "Shanks" for "thanks" and "Step-pool" for "stepstool." Precious.
Thomas smiles so incredibly easy and I LIVE IN THAT MOMENT when he smiles so big at me-using all of my senses to take in the sweetness.We are not promised tomorrow-we are actually promised that loss will happen-"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die;" Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 But the promise of ETERNITY with our loved ones is also ours for the taking, you just have to ask for it! “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
Stay warm and safe.
Recommended listening: Beauty Will Rise by Stephen Curtis Chapman It is so amazing-seriously, check it out. Kimberly gave it to me and it has been so encouraging for me-it is for anyone who is grieving or needs encouragement to keep going.