I read a blog post from a local writer this week that helped me put a word to what I am trying to do and it is to be "present." (You can read his post here by the way.) There are many ways to be "present" in a situation, but today I'm focusing on my phone. Obviously, reading online and being into social media is NOT a bad thing necessarily, I am encouraged and uplifted by many articles and posts on the internet, however when it becomes a priority to "check in" too often to the point of ignoring another human in the room, that's when I know I need a gut check. Being present is harder than it sounds at first thought.
When feeding Ethan I am obviously there with him, but my mind tends to think about multitasking and how it would be a great time to work on my grocery list or send that email to that person or just shut my eyes or or or...."stop." I have been intentional in praying about areas I need to work on myself and God has been blessing those prayers with His help. I hear Him telling me the Truth in that moment my mind starts to race in several directions about what I can be/should be doing...Like a whisper to my heart I can hear Him telling me, "Stop. Bonnie, you say you want to live without regrets, you say you want to enjoy your kids, your husband...just be here and be present in this work right now. This is your season of life, quit looking to the next season so often." So I obey, I push my phone away and instead say a quick prayer for Ethan's health, his future. I then look at him and sing a super silly song with him. "I love you Ethan, Oh yes I do, I love you Ethan, It's true. I love you Ethan, I do, Oh Ethan, I love you." As I sing to him, I'm rewarded for my obedience, I am flooded with memories of singing that song to Thomas, with his name, over the years (which is a miracle, because I have a terrible memory) and I can also see Ethan looking directly at me in my eyes, smiling behind his bottle and giggling every so quietly, I can barely see him now because of the tears in my own eyes as I marvel over this unexpected life in my arms.
|I have this on my phone as a reminder..click here to get your iphone wallpaper|