Thursday, January 22, 2009
This was video was taken around a month or so ago. Thought you might want to hear her sweet voice.
I have so many emotions running through me today. God gave us an absolutely beautiful day. 70 degrees and sunny. My mom and I took Caroline to the park this afternoon. I knew it would be good for all of us to get outside the house for an hour or so. Caroline had the best time swinging, climbing and sliding. I was so happy to see her be happy and at the same time I am so sad. One of my favorite authors-thanks to Aunt B, is Karen Kingsbury. She describes some of her characters at hard times in their lives as (and I'm paraphrasing) "smiling, but it doesn't meet their eyes." That's how I felt while watching Caroline be so happy on the swings. I'm smiling for her sake so she thinks I am having fun too, but inside I feel so awful that her daddy isn't there swinging her like he loved to do. This just isn't fair. We should all three be going to Tim's pizza tonight and watching Caroline dip her crackers in ranch dressing.
As I write that I remember how often in the past I have said that life isn't fair. I always knew it wasn't, this isn't supposed to be heaven. But, wow, do I really know it now. God also reminds me that everyone's days are numbered already and that Thomas was not meant to be here past January 5th, and this was the plan He had for me. I can't say that it makes it easier knowing that, but it is the truth. But I am still sad. Please don't think I am spiraling into a depression, I know that I cannot do that. I will have God's strength to be strong for Caroline and the new baby, for me and for Thomas.
We have had a ladies bible study going for around four years on Thursday nights that meets in homes. It has been such a blessing. Ladies from all denominations or some who are still looking for church homes attend. Tonight we being Beth Moore's "Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman." Please pray that we all grow and learn from this study. I know that it will be good for me.
Video below from my phone just after Thomas took our Christmas pictures. This is also the place where we had our wedding reception 4 and 1/2 years ago.