I am having the hardest time coming up with titles for these entries. How do you put a word or phrase on what we are going through?
I also just realized my last blog entry was my 100th one. "Woo" for me.
I wish I could thank each one of you personally for each card and message being sent my way (through the blog and Facebook,) but I just honestly do not have the energy yet. Just know that each one helps me so much. The prayers are continually getting me through each day. People want to ask how I am doing and I can tell you that I am alive, eating some, sleeping some, kissing Caroline and trying to get all of the paperwork finished. I had no idea at the amount of paperwork and meetings that have to be done all while you are trying to grieve.
I read my sweet friend Tara's blog entry and I have to say I am also one who would rather not "deal" with hard things and push them aside as much as possible. I am dealing with this new reality in very small doses at a time and I am hopeful I will eventually be able to come to terms with this. It will be a long road. One of the most frustrating things is my lack of energy, especially in regards to Caroline. Of course, anyone in her first trimester understands that, but in addition to the stress it makes it so hard I can hardly walk for lack of energy.
Caroline has enjoyed having "Mimi" here this week and loves playing with Lakyn and Canaan. Caroline is always a joy and can always bring a smile to my face without fail.
Each day I have been hearing from Thomas' students and the impact he had on their lives. It is amazing. I enjoy reading about them so much.
When I'm having one of my many "down" moments I keep thinking about how Thomas and I never took each other, or anything for that matter, for granted. God put on my heart to write Thomas a note to him last Sunday night before he had to go back for teacher inservice. I couldn't find paper and almost gave up until I saw some junk mail from the Sierra Club (I'll need to thank them some day for sending that paper!) I wrote how thankful I was that he worked so hard so that I could stay home with Caroline and that I loved him. I put it with his keys in our laundry room. After the horrible Monday, I thought about that note, but was nervous to ask about it-what if he threw it out or it fell to the ground without him seeing it? I mentioned it to Travis and Jacob and they said they remembered seeing it in his car! Jacob went back to the car and rescued it for me. The accident happened so close to our house that I know without a doubt the love I have for him was on his mind when he went to heaven. I take so much solace in that. Thank you, God.
Please tell everyone you love them everyday. We are not promised tomorrow. In fact, we are told that life will bring us trouble in the bible. It will happen. Just as that is a promise, so is the promise in the bible that we are saved and will all meet again in heaven.The first day at our new church building (Mt. Comfort) a little over a year ago.
I also want to say how much our church, Mt. Comfort Church of Christ (formerly North Street Church of Christ) has helped myself and family through these difficult weeks. I knew we had something special there, but it is beyond my limited vocabulary to describe the love and compassion they have shown us. Every where I turn there is someone from church bringing meals, calling, visiting to help with paperwork or praying. I love them all so much and I know I will be leaning on them for years to come. I also have heard from so many others how impressed they have been with our church and I am so happy our friends and family can see what Thomas, Caroline and I have had at our church all along. (We began going there in college.)
That is all for now. Just know that I appreciate each and every prayer and comment/message you send my way. Love you all, Bonnie