Wednesday, June 24, 2009

New Challenge

Caroline on her first horse at Vacation Bible School. Her face shows how I feel right now!

Enjoying her little pool in the backyard today.

So I left everyone hanging in my last post with the prayer request about my second glucose test. Well, I found out (finally) Tuesday that I failed. Not terribly, but enough that they are sending me tomorrow for a three hour gestational diabetes training (meaning: how to change my diet and how to prick my finger for blood sugar counting several times a day.) Anyone who knows me, knows that I have, in the past, passed out when having to give blood, go for a TB test or anything else that has to do with needles-so you can imagine how thrilled I am about this. After having Caroline, I have become SO much better with needles and I can honestly say that I will be able to do it. I am also ready to be a healthier eater (I did not think I was that bad to begin with, but of course, I could use improvement.)
I think what is hard about having this diagnosis is that it is just another worry. Having this happen has just brought up a lot of feelings that I haven't explored in a while. I knew I would face challenges without Thomas-I just didn't expect it so soon. It feels really lonely-even with tons of family and friends willing to help how ever they can. It just doesn't feel the void I feel right now.(Caroline and Aly at the Aquatic Center-They had a blast!)

As much as the bible says, not to worry, it is way easier to read, than it is to live by it.
I'm just tired. I feel like I'm being beaten while I'm down. I also realize that God must see the need to refine me some more--it makes me nervous to think about what is coming that I'm going to need to be so strong for; I know it doesn't do any good to borrow trouble from the future, but it makes me wonder...
In bible class tonight we talked about praying the Psalms-oh how I relate to so many of them now. I am happy to say that I can be angry, upset or questioning of God, but underneath all of that I know without a doubt that God loves me and I love Him. It is comforting to see David-a man after God's own heart-have similar feelings to me and not feel ashamed to yell them at God. God can take it-even when I don't have the words, just the emotions.
Thanks for any prayers you can send my way as I am tested, yet again, with this new challenge and as we have a really hard grief group meeting tomorrow evening as well. It will be a long day.
(Caroline is really interested in money right now-notice her little purse. We were on our way to the Farmers' Market. She ate about a bag of blueberries by the end of the day!)

As a side note: Every time I look at Caroline or think about her and her baby brother, Thomas, it makes me feel like I can do it. I can live this life that has been given to me-I just need to focus on how to be the best mommy and Christian example I can be.
Love you all!

19 comments:

  1. Random thoughts from me:

    I've been praying for you often!

    Violet has that same swim suit.

    We really should get Violet and Caroline together to play.

    :)

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  2. Praying for you, Caroline, and Thomas. You are such an inspiration.
    BLessings to you!

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  3. Bonnie you are such an amazing person. You have an incredible strength. I know you can make it through this too. So many people, including me, are learning so much about God's love through you. I will being praying for you in the days to come.

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  4. Hi Bonnie...I think I may have left a comment months ago; can't remember. Basically, I don't know you, but I have been following your journey & want to let you know I have dealt with gestational diabetes. I lived in Germany at the time (we were in the Army) but the treatment was similar to what you are describing. I ate a lot of meat & vegetables & exercised as well as checking my sugar levels 5 times a day. Never had to take insulin, thankfully. It was tedious at times but not too bad. Definitely worth having a healthy baby! ;)
    If you want to email me about anything, please do.
    gmorris234 at gmail dot com

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  5. Don't really know you, but have been following your blog for a few months. Just wanted to let you know I am praying for you:)

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  6. Bonnie, your article in Peekaboo was so very touching. You are such a great example of someone who has gone through a very difficult position, yet you have completely relied on your faith in Jesus Christ.

    Thank you for being so sweet in reaching out to Tricia York. I told her about your blog that I stumbled on, along with Tara's, and you have both been an inspiration to her. She did not know anyone her age that had gone through sucha difficult journey. Tricia is an awesome person and I would love for you and Tara to meet her and her sweet boys someday. God Bless You!

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  7. Bonnie,
    You are already a fabulous mommy! Lisa Nelson had gestational diabetes with both of her children and as soon as they were born, she no longer had diabetes. Both of her children are healthy and were normal sized. Praying for you and your family! Caroline is beautiful! Take care!

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  8. You're always such an encouragement to me! Just wanted to let you know that! :)

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  9. I had gestational diabetes with both of my babies - I was unable to control it with diet so I was on the 4x a day insulin injections in addition to all of the finger pricking - I was not a fan of giving myself shots and I cried and cried at first - but - when you keep your eye on the prize - you will find it's all worth it!
    hang in there - you'll be just fine!

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  10. Hey sweet Bonnie, I wish I had something marvelous to say to encourage you... just now we are still praying for you, Caroline and baby Thomas. We love you!

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  11. Oh my sweet friend! i wish i could b there for you in person!!! I am sure God is preparing you to be an amazing mommy to your two sweet kids. Think how you will b such an encouragement to them when they are struggling with something... how they will admire you for having gone through such circumstances
    love you tons!

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  12. Glenda in San DiegoJune 25, 2009 at 4:50 PM

    I'm sure you're a great mommy already to Caroline, and when Thomas and Caroline grow up you will be their inspiration...their example of strength. Keep doing what you are doing! Sending prayers your way. My sister had gestational diabetes and when she gave birth it went away. Try to walk every day for 30 mins...and eat plenty of veggies, and no extra sweets :)

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  13. I still pray for you and Caroline. You are such an inspiration! I pray that the rest of your pregnancy will go just fine. You are such a good mother and when Caroline and baby Thomas are old enough to know, they will be so proud of the mother you were to them. God bless you!

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  14. Bonnie, I hope your "diet instruction" went well today. I have been thinking about you. Though I would imagine at times you feel "kicked while being down already", I hope and pray that even then, you feel His heavenly touch. Lots of hugs your way...
    Reba

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  15. I love reading your blog....you are such a strong woman. God is doing so much in your life, and the fact that you know that and are leaning on Him is so awesome. You are in my prayers.

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  16. I developed gestational diabetes with my 3rd. The diet isn't that bad. I was able to control the diabetes with the diet, no pills or shots. After he was born, I returned to "normal". They did induce me 2 weeks early and he was fine as well. Just take it one day at a time. Go for the counseling with a dietician if your insurance co will allow it; it is worth EVERY penny. I often wish we had stayed on the diet permanently once the family got used to it, it is so healthy.

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  17. I developed gestational diabetes with my 3rd. The diet isn't that bad. I was able to control the diabetes with the diet, no pills or shots. After he was born, I returned to "normal". They did induce me 2 weeks early and he was fine as well. Just take it one day at a time. Go for the counseling with a dietician if your insurance co will allow it; it is worth EVERY penny. I often wish we had stayed on the diet permanently once the family got used to it, it is so healthy.

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  18. Bonnie~ I have been following your blog for some time now and I just want you to know I am praying for you. I was diagnosed with GD and I was very upset at the news. Once I was giving the training, it wasn't so bad. I did eat a lot better and felt good. I went walking everyday and I feel I had a smoother delivery than if I didn't get in shape. I only gained 28lbs, which was much easier to get off. It really is a blessing and my baby was fine and healthy. You can do it! God Bless You!

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  19. Bonnie, I'm interested in giving you a blog makeover, if you are interested e mail me at brandy_foshe@yahoo.com and we'll talk about what you like!

    Blessings,
    Brandy Foshe

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