Our sweet friend, Meagan, loves to take pictures of my kids! What a blessing! She took some of Caroline this summer and these of Thomas when he was just over a week old.So here is another new season: Fall. I think I'm doing okay and then--whammo!--it all comes rushing at me again like I am back at square one of this grief thing. I say it is a "whammo" but I think this might have been building for a few days...
Caroline started school last week (one day a week at our church's mother's day out.) I can't believe my little girl goes to school with a backpack and a lunchbox!! She loves it. I couldn't even get her to look back at me to say "goodbye" she was already engaged in playing. I'm so proud of her. She amazes me more each day with her maturity, intelligence and sweetness. Her favorite song to sing now is "You are my Sunshine" which she calls "Don't take the sun away" and her favorite book is "Goldilocks and the Three Bears." Between myself, mimi and Becky I bet we have read it to her at least one hundred times over the last couple of weeks.
Of course, as time goes by, I will be meeting new people who do not know us. A sweet mom who dropped her child off at Mother's Day Out at the same time as me struck up a conversation on our way out. She asked if we were finished having children...so much ran through my mind in the three second pause I took to figure out how to answer it without making her feel bad. I didn't want to just say, "Yes, we're finished" only to have to tell her the story weeks from now and have her not know the truth, so I told her that I'm in a strange situation in that my husband passed away a few months ago. I don't know why I started with "I'm in a strange situation" except that it is strange/unusual and that there is know good way to say what I am going to have to say.
She said she felt bad for asking, but of course, I told her that is was a perfectly innocent question. In my mind I knew this will be the first of many other times I will have to explain our "situation." I went onto tell her that we have amazing support from family, friends and our church and that prayers are keeping me going.Also, this Saturday is our first Razorback football home game. Those of you who aren't into college football will find it hard to relate, but I am honestly thinking I may cry the whole first quarter because Thomas will not be there to sit by me. We've been going to the games so long together that I can't even remember when we started! Luckily our tickets are next to wonderful friends so I won't have to have strangers hand me tissues. But we do have some sweet people who have sat behind us for years that I will have to tell the news to. Not fun.
On a happier note, I am taking Caroline with me to the game. She has her Arkansas cheerleading outfit ready and I think it will be good for us to be together there.As soon as I think I get used to a "season," it changes on me and I have to get a new grip on our new normal. I was thinking today about how the weather is about to get cooler and all that comes with that. More indoor activites and Thomas would have been making chili at least once a week (He made a really great chili) and that will be something I really miss--Just spending time in our home as a family on a cold night.
Thanks for your continued prayers!