Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Another new season

Our sweet friend, Meagan, loves to take pictures of my kids! What a blessing! She took some of Caroline this summer and these of Thomas when he was just over a week old.

So here is another new season: Fall. I think I'm doing okay and then--whammo!--it all comes rushing at me again like I am back at square one of this grief thing. I say it is a "whammo" but I think this might have been building for a few days...
Caroline started school last week (one day a week at our church's mother's day out.) I can't believe my little girl goes to school with a backpack and a lunchbox!! She loves it. I couldn't even get her to look back at me to say "goodbye" she was already engaged in playing. I'm so proud of her. She amazes me more each day with her maturity, intelligence and sweetness. Her favorite song to sing now is "You are my Sunshine" which she calls "Don't take the sun away" and her favorite book is "Goldilocks and the Three Bears." Between myself, mimi and Becky I bet we have read it to her at least one hundred times over the last couple of weeks.
Of course, as time goes by, I will be meeting new people who do not know us. A sweet mom who dropped her child off at Mother's Day Out at the same time as me struck up a conversation on our way out. She asked if we were finished having children...so much ran through my mind in the three second pause I took to figure out how to answer it without making her feel bad. I didn't want to just say, "Yes, we're finished" only to have to tell her the story weeks from now and have her not know the truth, so I told her that I'm in a strange situation in that my husband passed away a few months ago. I don't know why I started with "I'm in a strange situation" except that it is strange/unusual and that there is know good way to say what I am going to have to say.
She said she felt bad for asking, but of course, I told her that is was a perfectly innocent question. In my mind I knew this will be the first of many other times I will have to explain our "situation." I went onto tell her that we have amazing support from family, friends and our church and that prayers are keeping me going.Also, this Saturday is our first Razorback football home game. Those of you who aren't into college football will find it hard to relate, but I am honestly thinking I may cry the whole first quarter because Thomas will not be there to sit by me. We've been going to the games so long together that I can't even remember when we started! Luckily our tickets are next to wonderful friends so I won't have to have strangers hand me tissues. But we do have some sweet people who have sat behind us for years that I will have to tell the news to. Not fun.
On a happier note, I am taking Caroline with me to the game. She has her Arkansas cheerleading outfit ready and I think it will be good for us to be together there.As soon as I think I get used to a "season," it changes on me and I have to get a new grip on our new normal. I was thinking today about how the weather is about to get cooler and all that comes with that. More indoor activites and Thomas would have been making chili at least once a week (He made a really great chili) and that will be something I really miss--Just spending time in our home as a family on a cold night.
Thanks for your continued prayers!

16 comments:

  1. I will never stop praying for you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love your updates. I don't comment much because I just read and my heart breaks and smiles all at the same time. LOVE the pictures of Thomas in the glove! That is adorable!!! Caroline is beautiful!

    I hate that for you with the whole Razorback football thing. I obviously don't know what you are feeling, but it is the same way around our house, so I will be praying for you as I cheer on those HOGS! I'm glad you have friends there with you, plus precious Caroline!

    If you come to Fort Smith and need something to do (ha ha--as if Mimi doesn't entertain enough) I'd love to see you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bonnie, I miss your sweet smile! Praying for you tonight!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great pictures of the children!

    ~Praying for you~
    Ashley

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bonnie, I live in Tontitown, and go to FBC in Fayetteville. I have followed your story and just wanted to send some prayers your way. I am amazed at your grace.

    -Stephanie

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello Bonnie!
    Mr. Culp was one of my brother's beloved teachers. I've been following your story for a while and praying for all of you! I just have to say that you are such an inspiration. Just like Thomas, you too are affecting so many lives with your character, strength and faith.Continue your uphill journey and enjoy the view when you get there, girl.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great pictures! Thanks for sharing! Sending you hugs and prayers! XX

    ReplyDelete
  8. Praying for you!
    With love,
    Sylvie from Hungary

    ReplyDelete
  9. Bonnie, I think about you often. Oh yes, the Razorback games, I remember the student section fondly and always seeing you and Thomas there in all of your Razorback glory. You know he is calling the Hogs loudly from Heaven.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Your children are beautiful, your spirit is incredible and your courage is inspiring. You are the true definition of grace. Thank you for sharing. God will carry you in the times that you are unable to carry yourself and walk beside you when you can. Despite your tremendous loss, you are richly blessed. And I am blessed to be able to read about your journey. Thank you Bonnie.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey Bonnie. I love to read your updates and know exactly what and how you are feeling. It gives me very specific things to concentrate on when I am in prayer for you. What beautiful and amazing pictures of your sweet kiddos. Thimas looks like he is doing great! I will remember to pray for you this weekend. We are BIG into those games as well. It is the little things that you never really think about until you have to that are the hardest sommetimes. You are a true blessing to so many. You remind me of the important things in life. Livi's favorite song is "You are my Sunshine" too. Or I guess I should say that I have made it her favorite. I began singing it to her before she was born and still sing it to her at least twice every day. Each of my kids have their own special song! Love you bunches and I am always praying!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I always think of you when football season starts. Your kiddos are so lucky to have a momma that loves sports and can continue to spread that "hog love". I love you and will continue to be praying for you guys.

    Thanks for sharing the precious pictures. I love them. : )

    Thanks also for calling about my mom and for your prayers. I really appreciate it.

    Ash

    ReplyDelete
  13. He was 5 days old when I took these :) It was his first Saturday :) I had so much fun! Thank you for letting me take pictures of your kids! I love you all so much!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Love the pics. May you have a great week feeling God's peace surround you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Bonnie, I have been thinking about you all week. I am sorry I am just now commenting, but it isn't because of lack of thought. I especially thought of you last night during the game. I am sorry you are in a new season of new experiences, new questions, new difficulties. :( I wish I could just hug your neck and make it all better. I can hug your necks (next week I think?) but I doubt it will make things all right. I will pray though for His peace and love to always surround you, to give you strength when you don't feel strong, and to give you hope when you feel alone. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. What amazing pictures! I hope that you are doing well. Your sweet baby boy is beautiful (and so is Caroline)! You are in my thoughts and prayers!

    ReplyDelete