I have no idea what the title of this post will be yet, maybe I'll decide by the end of writing it.
It has been another coaster ride these past few weeks. I have laughed hard and cried hard, Thomas was sick last weekend, I started going back to GriefShare one night a week, Caroline got sick on Friday, I am trying to keep up with the classes I'm teaching, reading three "improving my self" books, and trying to enjoy every ordinary and extraordinary moment all while riding the Grief Coaster. Whew.
I don't really have a focus for this post, I just wanted to touch base with the blogger world and let everyone know that Thomas is now rolling both ways and Caroline thanked me for helping her feel better. They melt my heart continually.A sweet, new friend recommended a fantastic book called "My Single Mom Life" by Angela Thomas. This passage today struck me, especially since my previous post had to do with "ordinary" moments:
from pg 179:
"Maybe this morning you woke up in your ordinary bed and rolled over to look at an ordinary pillow where no ordinary man sleeps. You walked into your ordinary bathroom and stared at that ordinary woman with the ordinary puffiness underneath her ordinary eyes...Maybe, right this minute,you need to hear God's voice saying to you, Hey, you with the heavy load. Lay it down. Just put it all right here in front of Me. All your dreams and your insecurities and your pain. Everything those kids want you to be. All your worry and the responsibilities that are too much for one woman to bear. The disappointment over how life turned out. Your weakness and your weariness and your aching body. The constant needs that never go away and the little battles that just rip out your joy. Lay it down and come to Me. Come in your ordinary. It's OK. I do extraordinary work with ordinary women like you. These circumstances will not win. Love has the final say.
I think it helped me to read that today, because as I was scrubbing red popsicle throw up out of my carpet Friday night, I realized that, although it wasn't "fun," I am staying strong with God's help. I didn't break down like I would have a few months ago--I let a friend come over (THANKS MEAGAN C.!!) and take care of Thomas while I took care of Caroline. I am allowing people to help. Several awesome friends brought dinner this week and helped me get my kids in bed. My mom came Saturday and as Caroline was getting better, let me go to church to have a break. I am NOT alone at all. God is giving me the strength to do the best I can and when I can't do it alone, He sends help. It might be someone coming to help, a text message saying "I prayed for you today" or new friends that are in similar situations that can say "I hear you and I feel the same way, too." God's love is never ending and it is unconditional--I can say that love does have the final say. Love is such a gift from God. I am coming to terms that I do not know how our future will play out. I trust God. I am going to allow Him to do amazing things in our lives. My love for Thomas will continue through until the day I see his amazing smile in heaven, and my love for my children, friends and family is a piece of heaven I get to experience right now. And I thank Him for that.