Sunday, February 28, 2010

God is Love.

I have no idea what the title of this post will be yet, maybe I'll decide by the end of writing it.
It has been another coaster ride these past few weeks. I have laughed hard and cried hard, Thomas was sick last weekend, I started going back to GriefShare one night a week, Caroline got sick on Friday, I am trying to keep up with the classes I'm teaching, reading three "improving my self" books, and trying to enjoy every ordinary and extraordinary moment all while riding the Grief Coaster. Whew.
I don't really have a focus for this post, I just wanted to touch base with the blogger world and let everyone know that Thomas is now rolling both ways and Caroline thanked me for helping her feel better. They melt my heart continually.A sweet, new friend recommended a fantastic book called "My Single Mom Life" by Angela Thomas. This passage today struck me, especially since my previous post had to do with "ordinary" moments:
from pg 179:
"Maybe this morning you woke up in your ordinary bed and rolled over to look at an ordinary pillow where no ordinary man sleeps. You walked into your ordinary bathroom and stared at that ordinary woman with the ordinary puffiness underneath her ordinary eyes...Maybe, right this minute,you need to hear God's voice saying to you, Hey, you with the heavy load. Lay it down. Just put it all right here in front of Me. All your dreams and your insecurities and your pain. Everything those kids want you to be. All your worry and the responsibilities that are too much for one woman to bear. The disappointment over how life turned out. Your weakness and your weariness and your aching body. The constant needs that never go away and the little battles that just rip out your joy. Lay it down and come to Me. Come in your ordinary. It's OK. I do extraordinary work with ordinary women like you. These circumstances will not win. Love has the final say.
I think it helped me to read that today, because as I was scrubbing red popsicle throw up out of my carpet Friday night, I realized that, although it wasn't "fun," I am staying strong with God's help. I didn't break down like I would have a few months ago--I let a friend come over (THANKS MEAGAN C.!!) and take care of Thomas while I took care of Caroline. I am allowing people to help. Several awesome friends brought dinner this week and helped me get my kids in bed. My mom came Saturday and as Caroline was getting better, let me go to church to have a break. I am NOT alone at all. God is giving me the strength to do the best I can and when I can't do it alone, He sends help. It might be someone coming to help, a text message saying "I prayed for you today" or new friends that are in similar situations that can say "I hear you and I feel the same way, too." God's love is never ending and it is unconditional--I can say that love does have the final say. Love is such a gift from God. I am coming to terms that I do not know how our future will play out. I trust God. I am going to allow Him to do amazing things in our lives. My love for Thomas will continue through until the day I see his amazing smile in heaven, and my love for my children, friends and family is a piece of heaven I get to experience right now. And I thank Him for that.


  1. I can not even begin to imagine what it would be like to walk a day in your shoes. I have never met you either. But through the world of the internet, I feel like I "know" you.

    I just wanted to say that I am proud of you for not shying away from saying the things that you need to say on this blog. Your faith is an inspiration. Many would not lean on that faith or state their dependance on their faith. You will always have good days and bad, but you are an inspiration to me!!


  2. Thank you for helping my faith today. You are thought of and prayed for often.

  3. Your blog really does touch my heart every time I vistit.
    You are such a strong person!

    I pray for you and your sweet family often!


  4. I am so happy you got to go to church. When I found out Caroline was sick, my first thought was "Oh, no, Bonnie will have to miss church again." Not that church is a magic fix but it is often the encouragement and support needed to get through the week. I hope the kids are on the road to wellness. Tonight we talked about suffering in my community group, especially how suffering is a part of our life, Christians or not. You were heavy on my mind. As usual, you continue to teach me about faith and finding satisfaction in Him even when life is not the way we imagine. Praying for you!

  5. Bonnie,
    I found your blog through Hannah Crumby's story. Thank you for sharing your heart and words of wisdom beyond your years! May God bless you and your children with health and encouragement. I am praying for you!
    Stacy LaDuke
    Ozark, MO

  6. I know you do not know me, but I am praying for you!!! A bit different but am grieving as well, our 3 yr. old in heaven 1/23/07


  7. You are such a strong woman and wonderful mommy! I am having a hard time in life at this moment and your words helped me in a way that no ones else's have. Thank you for that.

  8. I have been reading your blog for a year. You amaze me!! Your strength and faith in the Lord. Awesome!!!I pray for you all the time.

  9. Bonnie,
    I was reading Psalm 18 this week while doing my Beth Moore Esther Bible Study and came across this verse that is now one of my favorites. Much of the Psalm talks about how God is our rock, our fortress, out Savior. It talks about how He hears us from His sanctuary and our cries reach His ears. But my favorite is verse 16 that says, 'He reached down from heaven and picked me up'. Oh what a sweet picture that is of how He comforts us exactly like a parent comforts a hurting child of their own. May you feel Him pick you up on those 'crying' days.